If you’re responsible for the care of an elderly relative, you know what an emotionally trying task it can be. It may feel like you are dealing with someone who challenges your authority, yet at the same time is vulnerable to fraud and other dangerous risks they may not even realize that they face. Performing in the role of caretaker and advocate is certainly not an easy task, especially in light of the stresses you may face in your own life.

Be on the lookout for signs of cognitive decline

As a financial advisor to families that often are dealing with this issue, we often act as the eyes and ears for children and grandchildren who aren’t geographically close to their elderly relative. It is not uncommon for us to notice physical or cognitive decline in the course of our regular communications that prompt us to alert the client’s close relatives.

Elderly parents may push back on your attempt to help, saying “don’t treat me like a child” and insisting that the risks we perceive to themselves (and possibly others if they continue to drive) are overblown. Cognitive decline and a lack of self-awareness can interfere with family efforts to put an elderly parent in a position to be safe and to thrive within a controlled environment. It’s important to recognize dementia early on, and to be prepared to call on resources to manage it.

Map out the finances

Even for people of considerable wealth, being a caregiver may bring unexpected changes to the forefront, such as expenses and loss of income> This can add to the stress of the role. Here are some things you can do to manage it.

A helpful first step may be to assume the bill-paying responsibility for your parent. This requires a certain amount of information gathering and set up with the help and cooperation of your parent. However, it can ensure that bills are paid and not subject to late fees, and that any significant spending decisions can’t be made without your knowledge. The financial advisors to you or your parent might be able to help with a project like this as part of their services to your family.

Some long-term care insurance policies, as well as some Medicare Advantage plans, may be able to compensate you, if you are required to leave work to care for your relative.  There are even state-funded programs that allow family members to be paid for caring for a loved one. The type of relative who is allowed to be paid may vary from state to state. This article by SeniorList does a great job explaining which states pay family caregivers.

Use technology to communicate with your “team”

One of the biggest challenges you face as a caregiver is isolation, especially if you have had to leave work to fulfill this role. Communication can be improved using technology, and there are specific applications devoted to precisely that.

Companies such as CaringBridge offer a way to easily stay in touch with all parties involved in your healthcare journey. Through an online platform personalized to you, you can post updates that are only seen by family and friends of your choosing (there are robust privacy controls, etc.).

Don’t do it alone

You may be spearheading the effort, but that doesn’t mean that you have to go it all alone. Don’t try to fight this battle without the help of others who may be willing (or even obligated) to take part.

Designating a trusted contact, allowing your loved one’s advisors to legally communicate with someone you trust, is a formality that is often overlooked. This is different from a durable financial power of attorney, which permits a designee to act on your love one’s behalf regarding financial matters.

You’re not in this alone!

Recognize signs of stress early on

Advanced age increases the time needed to process information, can challenge memory, and makes one more susceptible to scams. This requires family caregivers, often without any formal training in geriatric assistance, to have extra amounts of patience, empathy, and the need to repeat simple concepts often.

Frustration with your loved one is a common byproduct of regular, intensive care for a family member. You may be unknowingly grieving from the obvious signs of decline and the anticipated loss of a loved one before they’re gone.

Elderly behavior can become child-like, stubborn and resistant to change. While we may have had unilateral control over our children at a young age, the dynamics with an elderly parent requires an entirely different tone – one of empathy and respect while also being clear and decisive in your attempt to help. It’s easy to get frayed by the stresses of what you are asked to do as a caregiver. Try to recognize when you are getting frustrated, tired, or worn out. Perhaps make a list of the ways that these feelings manifest themselves in your physical presence, and be on the look out for times when these signs become evident.

Get an online support network

Being able to share stories and experiences with other caregivers can be a huge relief. There are online support groups such as Family Caregiver Alliance who connect people performing in this role.

And there’s always social media! There is a myriad of caregiver groups, many specialized to particular ailments such as dementia, etc.

Remember self care

We know intellectually that providing 24/7 care is a physical impossibility, but some family members try to do it all themselves. This is often at the behest of the parent, who prefers to only interact with their daughter (or son) and avoid having strangers in their home. Although there are exceptions, in my experience the default family caregiver to an elderly parent is almost always a daughter (or even daughter-in-law.)

Being a caregiver is a serious role. The enormity of the task may cause you to forget about your own needs. Remember to maintain a healthy diet, exercise, and allot enough time to attend to your own personal needs. Mental health matters!

Given the uncertainty that it can bring, the best option is to map it all out. If you haven’t created a financial plan, it may be a good time to do so.

If you’re a caretaker for an aging relative and could use some financial guidance, let us know.

Sources

Clark, Amie. (2023, May 10^th). Which States Pay Family Caregivers in 2023? SeniorList. https://www.theseniorlist.com/caregiving/caregiver-funding-by-state/

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